Things you should do and avoid in courtship. They are not limited to this, but knowing this is as great as encountering marital grace. Before we go into that, let us quickly have a brief discussion on the importance of courtship.
Importance of courtship
Courtship is important because there is always a purpose for starting it and the purpose is to have a successful marriage. Likewise, to enjoy and not endure it. Marriage can either make a person or mare a person depending on the purpose why a man and a woman is in it.
Most marriages that fails, there would have been danger signs or red signs in courtship that each party involved did not pay attention to. This could be because one or both parties choose to ignore those signs and they feel I can manage that, or am in love with him or her.
Another importance of courtship is that it creates time to know each other deeply. Courtship goes beyond just ordinary friend or acquaintance. It is a time to ask questions and get answers in details. What you know you won’t take in marriage, don’t hide it, tell him or her NOW. It is far better to lose him or her in courtship than to live a restless life in marriage.
This period creates time to be down to heart with each other. It helps to know each other’s background and all about things he or she wants to know that will be relevant in their marriage. It is a time to know each other intimately and not carnal knowledge or illicit behaviour. It is a period to agree on so many things that you want for your marriage.
Courtship is also very important because it helps to plan properly for both the wedding and the marriage. Such plans include; consents of both parents, where the wedding will take place, what to wear, what to feed the people with, marriage counseling sessions, court marriage or not, where to live and so on
Now, what are the things you should do and things you should not do in courtship. We shall be talking about things you should first.
Things You Should Do In Courtship
Talk together: As two people are in courtship, do not hide anything from each other. Be sincere, honest and open to each other in courtship. Talk about your past and your present. Agree together on a lot of things. Talk about your vision or ‘call’ if you have one.
I remember when I was in courtship with my husband, the first thing he told me was his call as a minister and asked me if I can journey with him. It did not wait to tell me in marriage. If you have any past that can surface later in your marriage, talk about it. Secrets exposed in marriage can lead to distrust in marriage.
Invest: invest in the purchase of books and tapes on courtship and marriage. Make sure you read them before marriage. Readers are leaders. Wisdom is the principal thing, in all your getting, get understanding.
Pray together: Choose a day of the week that you can fast and pray together. Pray for your relationship, your wedding day, your marriage, your children, your finance etc.
Plan together: Take a conscious effort to plan and prepare for both the wedding and your marriage. Don’t plan only for a day programme which is your wedding, plan for your home. How you want to run your home, the number of children you want to have etc.
In addition, go for marital counseling and seminars together. You don’t know it all. You can always learn from Godly homes through their experience. also make sure you go for medical tests. Know your blood group, genotype, Rhesus factor, hepatitis status etc
Things you should Avoid In Courtship
Among the things you should avoid in courtship is; do not lose your guard by sleeping with each other. Say no to premarital sex. The marriage bed must be undefiled.
Don’t over spend on gifts and pleasures, instead save.
Don’t assume that your spouse to be understands or shares the same values with you.
Don’t have too much expectation from your spouse to be.
Don’t be too rigid about rules. Allow for contributions and ideas from the other person.
Written by: Adeola Olayinka (Marriage counselor).