Relationship & Health

Keys to running courtship

Adeola Olayinka

Courtship is a period when a man and a woman or a guy and a lady in a relationship decide to move their relationship forward towards marriage. It starts from when the parents of the two sides or their spiritual leaders as the case may be are aware of their relationship. It is quite different from dating because it entails planning and preparation towards a set goal.

Courtship is the time to know each other, the will of God for their lives. It is a time to discuss their past, their present and their future. It is a period I call ‘to get serious’. Before a courtship can start, you must have ascertained that the person is the will of God for your life because that is the only guarantee for a successful marriage. That is why a broken relationship or courtship, (no matter the time and emotions spent in it) is better than a broken marriage.

Courtship does not necessarily need to grow into marriage if the two people involved cannot agree to be in agreement on some cogent issues of their lives. Can two walk together, except they agreed? (Amos 3:3). In other words, courtship is a period dedicated to study and understand each other to be able to live together as husband and wife. There must be adequate preparation because the bible as likened the issues of marriage to someone trying to build a house. You must first sit down to count your cost and plan properly before building. So you must really sit down and be ready to know each other deeply. Your strength and weaknesses, your past life, present and your future plans.

What should be the Duration of a Courtship?

This has been one of the frequently asked questions of youths aiming to get married. I personally do not believe in too long or too short courtship because of personal experience. So, I would say, do not awaken love unless it is time. Long courtship has worked for some people while it brought about separation of some. I will advise that courtship should not start until the intending couple decides to have marriage in view. In other words, do not PROPOSE to a lady unless you are sure to settle down and don’t give a YES until you are ready. Even if God tells you your wife at an earlier period, it is still very much important to still wait till you are ready. God might decide to give you the information early so as to pray, plan and prepare.


Courtship II

In the previous update, the meaning of courtship and its duration before marriage were discussed. We shall now be discussing why courtship is important alongside its do’s and don’ts.

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So, with my little experience, I will say or advice courtship should be between six months and two years. Let me balance it; that does not mean we don’t have exceptions of durations of courtship extending beyond two years or below six months that still has God’s approval.

Questions that have been begging for answers in the mind of many include; why is courtship important? What are the things expected to do and not to do in courtship? These and many more shall be addressed in subsequent updates.

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